The Weekly: 2
Dear people expecting to receive this. And those reading this on their spouse’s phone. [I won’t ask.]
It’s been almost a week since our last one-way correspondence. Good news: My readership has doubled [thanks, Dad!]. I suspect the word is spreading and people are starting to catch on. Let’s keep up the good work. [I use "let's" the same way a manager would, like I'm trying to motivate a team but have no intention of doing anything.]
Thought: How do people choose their gym grunt? Is it like learning your guardian angel’s name [Raúl] or spirit animal [Bear]? Men have lots of "Good job, buddy" and "One more, man.” [Apparently I hang out in a prep school locker room?]. They spot each other. They spot me. I get uncomfortable. The only noise women make is a barely audible breath, like they're about to clean their glasses. If you're close enough to hear it you're probably not supposed to be there. One group all makes the same noise. Hisssssssss. SSSSSAahhhh. SSSSssaaaaaahhh. Asian guys. They all sound alike.
Other Thought: What did hooligans ever do to deserve such a cool name? Do they call themselves hooligans? When they're out rabble rousing, flipping over cars after a soccer match, doing other angry mob things, do they think "man, I'm really nailing this hooliganism thing"?
Dish I’m Cooking: Pesto. I know it's not technically "a dish." Just like your opinion doesn't technically "matter." But it's awesome. It's green, garlicky, and nutty with enough cheese and oil to bind it together. It's fantastic on hot pasta or cold. And it's practically built for a lazy cook to make it (it's Italian after all).
Cocktail I’m Drinking: Negroni. It's red. It's bitter. It's alcoholic. Beloved by hipsters and old Italian men alike, it's been gaining in popularity among the general drinking population. It has it's own week! [next week]. And yet so many bartenders screw it up. Arm yourself with the recipe.
Purchase I’m Purchasing: Bodum 5oz Bistro Mug. The Bodum 5oz Bistro Mug is made of borosilicate glass. Borosilicate has a low coefficient of thermal expansion which, if you're not a chemistry dork, means it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold. I don’t care what it does as long as it looks cool. And boy do these look cool. I love the transparency. I love the little handle. I love that it's too small for a cup of coffee but too big for an espresso so I end up making lattes at home because I work from home and have no friends. [Have you ever felt the joy of steaming your own milk?] I love everything about it. Except the name. Bistro? When I think of Bistro I think of white coffee cups, froth everywhere, french people. These look like they’re from the future.